Do you ever feel like just standing up and screaming at the top of your lungs until your voice cracks and you have no energy left to stand? Do you ever just want to sit and cry because for some reason you are overwhelmed by this huge weight of sadness and brokenness?
I ask because I've been dwelling in these feelings for the past couple of weeks but haven't been able to scream or weep for some reason. There is this overwhelming desire to let the cries of my heart out yet I sit in my reserved state so much so that I begin to become numb toward these emotions. So I actually began to ask the question, "What is my heart wanting to scream, and why I'm I holding back?"
Many times I look at my life and wonder, "What good am I doing? Is my life really valuable? I'm I making a difference in the world? Is it better because my feet tread this earth, or is it unmarked by my presence?" You see I have this longing to have meaning in life. I want to know that I have helped someone feel loved or picked up someone who is broken or desperate and helped stand them back on their feet again. I long to look at my day and say to myself that "Michael you did good today!" But I think that my heart wants to scream and my eyes want to weep because so much of my life is focused around myself. So much of my effort throughout the day is accomplishing my agendas and wants. It is a rare occasion that I actually stop for a second to Become Hope to someone and listen to their story, hear their pain and worst of all actually care about that pain! I mean really, I have to focus to care for others, does that even make sense? How am I ever going to help restore someone if I never take to time to learn their name, and what's important to them? How am I going to know what is needed in a broken life if I walk along head down with my schedule in hang looking to what is the next checklist item of my day that has to been finished?
My heart is shouting at me to STOP!, WAIT, LISTEN to those who are in need. My eyes are becoming blurry with tears so that I stop looking ahead and have to use my ears to hear what my surroundings are whispering to me. My Heart SCREAMS to me in the night to LOVE SO DEEPLY that it is inseparable from my very essence! It rouses me from my slumber so many nights that I can't even keep track of it anymore. My heart is exploding within me to love and give! My inner being is SCREAMING to love and restore those that need to be loved! The question I have to ask myself now is, "Michael, will your mouth, life, and efforts begin to whisper what your heart and soul are screaming?"
I want to begin to whisper and converse about these longings and love. I want to whisper love everywhere that my feet tread out my path. Let us begin to whisper together about this love, so that one day when enough of us are whispering that our voices begin a war cry against poverty, hate, brokenness, and selfishness! Then our whispers will be powerful and unnerving to the world while at the same time bringing it comfort and a sense of belonging. I want to walk whisper together now, will you whisper with me?